I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
