I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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