Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
