This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
