I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize