I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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