dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize