The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
