Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
