His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
