A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
