then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
