"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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