I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
