Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
