HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
