cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
