just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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