You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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