Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize