Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
