why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize