i barfeds in our rink
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
