I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
