If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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