Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
