3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
