ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
