so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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