last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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