Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
