I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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