Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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