1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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