and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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