sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
