obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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