two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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