I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
