did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
