Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
