Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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