Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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