When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
