i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
