I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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