I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
