Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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