He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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