My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
