Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
