I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
