How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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