TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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