TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
