You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
