upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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