ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just googled if crying burns calories
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
