idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
