i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
