Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
