Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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