found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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