Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize