hotel room ftw
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
