it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
