fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
