Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
