Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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