actually, I'm a sock model
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
