sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
